Sarah Speaks

Forgive? Possibly. Forget? Never...

I'd say:

"hey man, what gives you the right to judge?"

There have been a few that have hurt me deeply in life, but the one that comes to mind most directly, I would say -

"I hope you are happy. That's all."

I've never confronted them, and more than likely never will because there's really nothing I could say to satisfy the hurt, no revenge to pacify what I went through, so whatever. I've finally battled the little demon and sent it on it's way. I have moved on.

I'm not happy right now. The more and more time goes on I find that this isn't where I want to be. Art is not what I have passion for anymore, at least not like I used to. The professors want us to pull art peices out of our asses in a weeks time and for me, that just doesn't happen. I'm the type of 'artist' [if you will] that can't produce shit when asked, it has to come on it's own time and in it's own way. Besides that, I feel as though I've learned absolutely nothing in the half of a semester I've been here, it's all review for me and I feel like I'm above everyone else because they're all looking and working on things like monkeys doing math equations. My mom suggested 'challenging' the classes so I can test and pass out and move on up - but to me it feels pointless. I want to sing, dammit. I want to be back on stage and act and do what it is I'm feeling inside. I feel completely rediculous and like I've wasted everyones time, money and efforts in wanting to take and easy way out; this college. It's a three year deal, easy stuff but I can't find the motivation to bullshit my way through like I did through highschool... I'm so done playing that game. Am I being totally selfish and lazy? I wish I could answer that but at this moment I am so upside down that I just want to call it quits. I don't like that feeling. I don't want to fall down when I've come so far. So do I move on and try something else? Do I exhaust my abilities and try to stick it out here? Should I just stay because I'm already here and not impose on my parents? I have all these fucking questions and I never have any answers. My emotional state is numb right now, I couldn't even finish classes today, had to cut out early due to excessive crying and mental retardation... So what do I do...? Maybe I am making things to difficult, perhaps my path is below my feet but I'm so consumed in analitical chaos that I can't see it. I just wish I could do things like any regular person; go through school - get good grades - date the right people - make everyone happy. But, no, I have to make things difficult. Why? Hell if I know. I look at all the kids around me and they all seem to have more than enough of their shit in order, like they know where they're going, know what to do next, have the perseverence to continue... and me? Just the detached little observer of everything around me, my mind to involved in itself and it's questioning that life seems far to unreal to be more than just a dream. I'm lost.

Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate Mix does not make very good chocolate milk... it must be hot or the mix does not disolve... hence the word 'hot' chocolate on the front of the can... and also in the directions...

Your Name Comes From the Moon

You are a moody person, and you are constantly seeking balance in your life. You feel connected to all beings. You are very sympathetic and understanding. You are very influenced by who is around you. Too much negativity is certain to overwhelm you. You are happiest when you are alone with nature, especially when you're around water.

Your Soul Is Connected to the Fall

You are a somewhat sensitive soul with a tough exterior. You are street smart and wise about the world. You have the heart of a poet, but you're not too eager to let anyone else see it. You are very creative and deeply talented. You are still looking for the perfect outlet for your expression. You embrace change and think the cycles of life are beautiful. You don't shrink away from the darker elements of life.

damn they're good...

I had a few of those:

6th grade - Mrs. Morton
Junior High - Mrs. Applonie [History] - Ms. Portrey [Drama] - Ms. Harris [Art]
High School - Ms. McCoy [History] - Mrs. Marler [English] - Ms. Sestero [French] - Ms. Jensen [Choir] - Mrs. Beck [Drama]

The biggest problem with 'celebrities' these days is that they aren't famous for what they do, only for what they are... and honestly, it's fucking annoying. The main reason 90% of the female celebs are famous is because they have the body, the looks and they can either memorize words or the computer technologies can make them sing... fuck that.

As Eithne Brennan[Enya] would say: "There's a big difference between fame and success; you can buy fame, you can't buy success..."
And that's why she is where she is today.
LONG LIVE/LOVE EITHNE [ENYA]!

I'd give it to the associations that help homeless and abused animals.

kids don't need laptops...

So my nails were really long like last month sometime and I uploaded the pics on my camera today and found a pic...






intense, right?
I miss them...

Fuck Stephanie Meyer's sparkly vampires, can we have some high quality Anne Rice here?

and what fun would that be?

"forget regret, or life is yours to miss..."

Olivia Benson - Law and Order: SVU

My grandmother passed away last night.
I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
My memories of her run deep as did my love, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to cope with this, but perhaps I'm not...
I'm having a very difficult time attempting to accept reality now, I didn't want to lose her so fast. She was supposed to have a year, a year... yet a week after the good news she collapses on the floor and that's that. I had seen her earlier that very same day, she was talkative, appeared to be lively... but no one knows the way things go.
I feel like I wasted that time I did have with her yesterday, I didn't say 'I love you' before I left, and now I'll never have that chance again. God I hope she knows how much I love her, and how much I miss her and will for years to come.
I know she's better off now, she isn't suffering, but that doesn't change how much we're all hurting.


Virginia Noreen Lewis - my grandmother, my confidant and the most amazing and strong woman I've ever known. You will live on in all hearts you've touched, your words will ring clear in our minds and the love you have shown us will never be expunged.
I love you.

J'adore le francais femmes
*le sigh*

The winter may pass and the spring dissapear
The summer too will vanish and then the year
But this I know for certain: you'll come back again
And even as I promised you'll find me waiting then
God help you when you're wand'ring your way all alone
God grant to you his strength as you'll kneel at his throne
If you are in heaven now waiting for me
And we shall meet again love and never parted be

Morwen from Patricia C. Wrede's Dealing with Dragons books
She's a witch, got 9 cats, practical, smart...
I read the books just because of her.